shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
