im drinking this country out of the recession.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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