Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
