gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
