After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
