I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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