Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
