i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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