There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
