i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
