alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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