I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
