You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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