I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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