Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
