please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
