No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize