she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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