how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
