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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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