Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
