i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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