Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
