proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I believe in your delicious
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
