you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
