Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
