You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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