Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
