is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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