kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
