Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Alive.
So much puke
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
