Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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