the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
