I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
