i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
