I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
