New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
