mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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