I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
