hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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