I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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