She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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