he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
