i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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