Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
