i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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