He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
