Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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