So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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