I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
