life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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