I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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