ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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