Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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