all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
