My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
