Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
