She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
there was a trapeze. enough said
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My penis needs a shock collar
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize