i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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