Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
