the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
