yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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