I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
