I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
