i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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