Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
