question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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