this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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