oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
