i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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