textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
